Teagan Presley Fleshlights

Mind for Fucking Early On

Young, fun, and ready to cum. That phrase isn’t 100% correct. It’s … young, dumb, and full of cum. But in this case, Ms. Presley is neither dumb nor full of … err, yes, she’s full of cum. Ok, let’s correct this … young, fun, and full of cum. But she’s also ready to cum and that counts for a lot in life. If you told your 8th grade teacher that regardless of your academic path you’d at least always be up to cum, he/she would first separate you from your home and place you into an awful foster-kid environment where you’d likely be abused and turned out like some cheap trick slut. But in the back of his/her head, there would be a granite of respect there. People like to know that others like to cum. If there isn’t anything else you learn today, take that piece of info and store it away. On to Teagan …

Born in that un-specific, forgettable year of 1985 (at least it’s a round number), Ms. Presley (alert, another name change) entered the world of Woodlands, Texas, ready to be a productive, model citizen with a fat cunt. Her birth name was Ashley Ann Erickson, still sort of hot. Most Ashley’s are hot, in general. But Teagan went for Teagan, instead of Ashley, because her parents initially wanted that name for her, and Presley of course as an homage to Pearl Jam. No, it was Elvis Presley.

Shit Boyfriend

By the way, had the parents wanted Teagan instead of Ashley what’s the big hold-up? Both are respectable names that would not necessarily have led to a life fiddling labias on film. Note to all budding parents, if you want to go with one name over the other fucking pull the trigger. Nothing worse than regrets in life. Presley is free of regrets and started off with a bang, stripping for cash to support herself and her live-in boyfriend. Good lord, the dude gets to live rent-free, fuck this dime-piece while she strips every night? Sign me up! But apparently said dude disapproved of Teagan’s behavior and they eventually split.

Presley Forges Ahead

Teagan was unfazed, so much so that she plunged even further into the proverbial porn hole completing her first on-screen scene with Joel Lawrence in Just Over Eighteen 10, a classic in its own right. The 9 previous Just Over Eighteens must have been heaven for Lawrence’s cock, what a role! Teagan has taken home some impressive hardware over the years: Best New Starlet (2005 XRCO Award), Favorite Ass (2007 F.A.M.E. Award), Best Feature Dancer (2018 NightMoves Adult Entertainment Award), Best Solo Sex Scene (2009 AVN Award). But the granddaddy of them all, the one that has granddaddies secretly hoping grandmommy takes longer on that supermarket run so they can let the Viagra kick in and explode all over their prosthetic knees is the 2016 AVN Hall of Fame inductee award. She arrived. Presley is in the hall!

A Spiritual Fuck

Rightly dubbed the Lotus, this is a spiritual journey, a Fleshlight accompanying you down a path that few (that’s a flat out lie, my apologies, many dudes have fucked this chick, but perhaps not as spiritually as you will in the comfort of your studio apartment) have taken and is only reserved for those that want to meet the Lotus at the end of the path. Presley’s grip awaits, pull your pants down and reserve the next 11 minutes. And then eat some pasta and repeat.